She's Come Undone

She's come undone…She didn't know what she was headed for,
And when I found what she was headed for…It was too late

She's come undone…She found a mountain that was far too high
And when she found out she couldn't fly…It was too late

It's too late…She's gone too far…She's lost the sun
She's come undone

She wanted truth but all she got was lies…came the time to realize…and it was too late

Too many mountains and not enough stairs to climb,
Too many churches and not enough truth,
Too many people and not enough eyes to see,
Too many lives to lead and not enough time

It was too late.

Cherry BoBerry had been doing some thinking lately about a whole lotta nothing and a little bit of everything in-between.  In the midst of all of this thinking, one word kept floating through her brain:  chaos. It seemed that every time Cherry turned around twice, chaos was abounding and surrounding. 

In fact, there wasn’t a day that went by that someone didn’t stop Cherry and say…”Cherry, you’re not going to believe it.  My world has/might blow up…my marriage/relationship is stalled/on the rocks/over.  I’m going to lose everything/a little/a lot…and I’m freaked out/happy/suicidal.”  Most of the time, it ended in tears and a latte. Sometimes with glasses of wine and the mind numbing recounting of copious  details that could have/should have/would have made a difference in the series of events that led to the nuclear explosion that could only be deemed…in all actuality…as…a mid-life crisis. 

Don’t get Miss Cherry wrong…she isn’t just talking about the kind of crisis brought on by too many expectations and not enough realizations.  A mid-life crisis is all encompassing and non- exclusive.  Matter of fact, it takes on so many shapes and sizes…that it can be hard to spot.  The days of the sports car with the tune…”I gotta be meeeee, I gotta be meeeee, what else can I be but what I am!” blaring on the stereo…are gone.   In their place…just about anything that could possibly represent the capitulation of a seemingly mature adult into the psychedelic swirl of the unknown.

Cherry used to be shocked.  “I am so sorry this has happened to you.  I can’t believe that your husband cheated on you and is having a baby with his girlfriend…the nanny to your 5 kids.  Good nannies are impossible to find...asshole. “

– Or – “What?!!!?  He sold your Grandmother’s jewelry…(blah, blah)…excuse me…your deceased Grandmother’s jewelry …to pay off a bookie…and you found out that there is a gazillion dollar lien on your home…and he took your dog…Lucky…to the pound for barking at his low hanging gut…and on the way to the pound he got a DUI…and then was arrested for public urination outside of a Red Box …and he got a tattoo of on the top of his bald head that said…”solar love panel – rub here”. Oh…my… goodness. What an asshole.”

-Or- “What?!!!? Your wife hit you over the head with a lamp, stabbed you with her car keys, took your dog and left you a note…ran off with her high school sweetheart she hooked up with on Facebook…shacked up with the yard guy and now she has all of your lawn equipment and tools.  Bitch.  Oh…and, she said that because of her hatred for you and disappointment with the yard guy’s hedging… she is now going to live the rest of her days as a lesbian…with the nanny of your 5 kids?  Yes, I know…good nannies are hard to find.”

“Yes, I’ll help you write your online dating profile. NO, don’t list bowling and camping as your favorite activities. NO, don’t take a picture in the mirror with your shirt off.  My God, take that picture down.  Which one?  The one that you are giving what I can only guess to be your rendition of…”Hey Ladies! Come get some of this”…creepy intense mad look.  NO, NO, NO!” 

Everywhere…middle-aged adults were acting badly.  It was a little more than Cherry could handle on a daily basis.  There was one thing that Cherry longed for, and had yet to achieve: a stabilized world…a lack of total chaos.  What happened to the “happily ever after?”

Now…not everyone that Cherry knew was having a destructive mid-life crisis.  When Cherry heard or witnessed happy and healthy…she felt joy and relief.  It was refreshing to know that not everyone was heading down the toilet drain with all of the other rubbish.  Cherry’s friend Sophia is one of those happily married women; married to a happily married man…they actually like each other…and were still   crazy in love.  Sophia decided that she loved her husband, and the life she had built - too much - to let it come undone.  So, she took the bull by the horns, and made some unilateral decisions.  “Honey, we aren’t going to sit on the couch and watch TV.  We are going to go out into the world and do things…together.”  And, that is exactly what they have done.  Cherry loves Sophia’s happiness…it is so refreshing.

Sophia was a true anomaly.  More often than not, it was the exact opposite.  It was total and complete chaos. Cherry thought about her friend…Sushi.  One day Sushi woke up and said…”Something isn’t lining up for me.  I want more of something…and I’m going to go find it.  I’m soooo out of here.”  Sushi became a sexy man magnet and hit the single life with gusto.  Her husband remarried immediately, and he and his new wife torture her to no end.  They don’t fight fair.  They involve children in their games. She came undone because she loves her kids, and has an Ex that holds them over her head.   Soon the Ex won’t be able to hurt Sushi with her kids…and Sushi will put it all back together.

Cherry thought about her friend…Carmella.  One day Carmella woke up and decided…”You know what…I don’t want my husband to knock me around anymore when he has been drinking, and then put me between the mattress and box springs and try to suffocate me.  I sure am sick of him breaking my bones, bruising my body, and kicking me in the ribs. I do believe its past time to go.”  Cherry agreed. It was time for Carmella to come undone.  It was either that or Cherry was going to have to make a trip down to see her friend, wait until Mr. Fist passed out, hog tie him, and 2x4 him across the face.  It was the least she could do for a childhood friend who was getting the shit beaten out of her.  Remember, this is Texas talking.  We don’t abide Mr. Fist. Carmella needed to put it all back together before the Russian roulette of abuse took away her choice.

Cherry thought about her friend…Petunia.  One day Petunia woke up and thought…”No spring flower here. My husband had an affair on me…and I think I just might be replaced.  So, I’m going to have my own affair with a young guy who rings my bell good…I’ll raise him up right…and he’ll take care of me forever.  After all, there is medication for his problem, and I can always call 911.  I’m going to blow up my world, and complain about it every day of my life.  I am afraid to be alone.  Anything is better than being alone.”  Cherry didn’t agree.  She had reached her limit on watching her friend go from the frying pan straight into the fire…and then try to pull everyone in with her. Cherry and Petunia’s friendship burned up…and died. Cherry seriously doubted that Petunia would get it all back together during her lifetime.

To come undone is no easy task.  You have to work real hard at it.  It can take years of stress, and unhappiness…abuse…living in a pressure cooker until you’re “done”.  It’s never just one particular thing…it’s a series of things over the years…building and building…until…BOOM!   

Cherry has come undone…twice.  Once when her first husband announced that he didn’t love her anymore, that he loved a married woman, and was moving to his Mother’s condo…while Cherry was on a business trip to Kansas City…on a payphone…in her client’s lobby phone bank.  Just like that…instant meltdown.  It took one stranger, one cab driver, a priest, one ticket agent, one gate agent, a flight attendant, and a 9 month old baby to calm her down.  They took care of her until she could get where she needed to be…home.  Her life had unexpectedly, irrevocably come undone and it took her years to get it all back together again…for herself…and for her two little kids.

The second time Cherry came undone was midway through her second marriage.  All it took was a picture.  A sad picture of a woman who was miserable, physically sick, and soulfully dying. Cherry looked at that picture and said…”Look at my eyes…the windows to my soul.  I am dying…a mere shadow of myself.  I’m fading fast.  Look at me…I am dropping my basket.  Everything as I know it to be is gone.  I have a feeling that it is time to come undone.”  

So, in true Cherry fashion, she decided to come undone in a big way…you know…part of the “go big or go home” philosophy.  It works for hair, it works for Boobies…it can also work for life.  Unlike before… Cherry chose her battle…she chose to come undone, to unravel the fabric of her life, so that she could weave it back again with strength, health, and heart and soul.  She took that “basket” and threw it as hard and far as she could see.  After all, if you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

Honestly, there are times when things need to come undone.  Staying put can be a threat to life, limb, and your “basket”.   In the South, we all know about people who “drop their basket”.  It is a polite Southern way of saying…that woman has come undone…that woman is losing it…that woman’s world has exploded. The truth about “coming undone” or “dropping your basket” is this…you can look at it as an opportunity for growth and change…or let it pull you under the water…and rob you of your life. 

For as much as you feel like the world is in chaos, there are constants that hold your nose above the water line.  Cherry had her children, and she had entire family…parents, grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins.  Cherry had her brain…and although there was a period of brain mush…once she pulled through the worst of it…her mind started spinning at rates she had never experienced.  Cherry’s creative self…long hidden…burst free. As baskets go…Cherry sure did like her new one.  It was filled with all of the golden from her life that survived the drop, and garnished with a new found sense of purpose.

It wasn’t too late.