Friday, June 22, 2012

Boobies, Big Hair and Bling...Welcome to the Texas Trifecta

Texas girls like to have options and they sure as Hell don’t anyone telling them what those options might be. In this case, Cherry liked having the option of showing a little bit of cleavage every now and again, as she considered it her God given right.  It went with her thick mane of big, Texas hair.  Boobies and Big Hair…a true matching set.  It wasn’t for show or to gain attention from the world…it was just for her. She liked what she had going on in that department.  Cherry was all jiggly, and bouncy.  Her friends showed cleavage too.  It had become …”not just for our 20’s anymore”…and the middle aged set was flying their “sets” loud and proud.  After all, for those not surgically engineered, as in the case of our natural Miss Cherry, there was only a limited amount of time before they started their slow, casual descent down.  And just like Cherry’s friend Lola had said at the end of her doggy’s long life…”We had a good run and now it’s over.”  Cherry wanted her “good run” with her Boobies.  She wanted to have fun with it all before they fell into natural oblivion…certainly before she entered that stage in her life where no one wanted to see them, not even an occasional dirty, old man.

Now…Cherry’s bodacious Ta Ta’s were a natural phenomenon, bestowed upon her at the tender age of 12, causing quite a stir in the 6th grade open classroom at her upper middle class, conservative Elementary School.  Big Boobies were frowned upon in the 1970’s Bible belt, and when they started growing…there was nothing to be done but grit your teeth and wait.  It’s the genetic luck of the draw.  You look at your Momma and your Grandma and say…”So that’s what I have to look forward too.”  In Cherry’s case…her Mom was little and her Grandma was very, very large.  At slumber parties all of the girls would check out the progressive growth of their friends…who was wearing a training bra…who had graduated to a true cup size. Cherry had no idea what was coming in the Boobie department when they started to grow, and after having her training bra stuck in the freezer a couple of times at Elementary slumber parties, she decided that when the time came…she’d learn to keep her cup size a mystery…and never take it off for examination…or to be placed next to the Popsicles.

The thing about big Boobies are that even though you do nothing to get them, they change your life at an early age…and they expand your horizons if you implant them later.  Cherry started growing hers over the free and easy summer before 5th grade and it took her all the way through to the until the summer before 7th.  So much so that she was permanently expelled from “The Itty Bitty Titty Committee” when her cheerleading jumps took on a whole new dimension.  Everything was bouncing.  Fluffy hair and boobies flying everywhere.  And it was never more evident that her life and social status had changed until that infamous day that her parents got the call.  Cherry’s Boobies had become notorious.

“Mr. and Mrs. Cherry’s Parents…this is Principle So and So.  I need to talk to you about your daughter Cherry.”

Mr. and Mrs. Cherry’s Parents were very strict when it came to their daughter.  She was expected to be a little lady at all times by her Momma, and able to compete with the boys athletically by her Daddy.  Just as it was important to have manners, and walk with a book on top of her head…she was expected to stand toe-to-toe with the boys, and punch them in the nose if needed.  Her parents were strict as to her grades and behavior, both which had to be all “A’s”.  Cherry was a good little girl.  Then only thing she had been guilty of at school…so far…was talking too much in class.  Her school record was littered with notes in her “folder” as to inability to shut her mouth when the teacher was talking.  Cherry was the little social butterfly of her Elementary.  A position she held dear, in spite of sitting outside in the hall, or having to write sentences at night with her homework.

Cherry’s parents expected to hear something about “talking uncontrollably,” or punching a boy in the nose…so what followed came as a shock…which sent her parents into orbit.  “What has happened to our daughter?”

“Don’t be alarmed.  Cherry is alright.  She is just going to have to come home and change.  We are having a problem with her shorts and the halter top that she wore to school today.  It’s causing a problem for the teachers and they have asked me to give you a call to discuss it.”

Now…Cherry’s Daddy had already raised the conservative, male parental alarm on his young daughter’s changing physique.  The summer had been Hell for little Miss Cherry.  When she would head to the public pool, he would make her wear the ugliest bikini that they could find, and top it with a dark T-shirt.  This situation, being unbearable to Cherry, was remedied by her cool Momma, who was always passively aggressively sympathetic to her pre-teen growing Boobie plight.  She’d stuff her pool bag and head out the door.  It was her Momma who would slip her the red-orange, full cup bikini with gold metallic rings holding it all together to change into once she made it past her Daddy’s bikini check, rode her bike tothe Park, and snuck into the pool locker room.  With that 70’s mod bikini on, and a bribe of Hot Tamales and Dr. Pepper for her older brother, Cherry maintained the cool factor throughout the hot Texas summer…sans t-shirt...sans ugly, conservative bikini. 

Mr. Principle So and So loved Cherry.  She was a good kid who was respectful to her teachers, and a leader in her grade.  She was an “Eraser Relay” champ. He had hated making this call but he had a vocal group of teachers ringing his ears.

“Your daughter has developed significantly over the summer, and the changes are causing quite a stir with the boys in the 5th grade.  So much so that the teachers have asked me to ask you to not let her wear a halter top to school again.  And, possibly not shorts.  It’s all very distracting.  Could I suggest a nice skirt or dress?”

So…Cherry started wearing dresses and skirts to school.  She hated it.  She was allowed to change into shorts for recess and Phys Ed, but outside of that she was pants free for a good year.  The cool thing about Cherry’s Mom was that she not only designed clothes for Cherry, she sewed them.  This meant Cherry always dressed in beautiful clothes that fit her perfectly.  But dressing in fitted clothes still caused a problem at her Bible Memory Camp in Louisiana the following summer.

It seemed that every year, her two weeks of Bible Memory Camp coincided with the boys from Cal Farley’s Boys Ranch, a ranch for troubled boys stuck way out in the middle of the Texas panhandle.  Fundamental Baptist doctrine, Bible memory work, and girl -starved hormonal boys...not a good combo for our recently developed Cherry.  Fluffy hair and big Boobies were just too much.  After getting in trouble, fined, punished, and sat in the corner for nothing other than having big boobies who were causing a problem for the teachers and preachers…her parents got the call.

“Mr. and Mrs. Cherry’s Parents…this is Pastor/Camp Director BMA.  I need to talk to you about your daughter Cherry.”

“Is our daughter alright?  What has happened to our daughter?”

“Well…it seems that your daughter is enticing the boys with her figure, and this is causing quite a stir.  Frankly…it has become quite a problem with the boys from Cal Farley’s Boys Ranch.  We caught one of them trying to sneak across the bridge to sing to your daughter through her window.  And…it has disrupted Chapel and scripture study daily since she got here.  We might need you to come get her.”

“You mean you want us to drive from North Central Texas to the middle of Louisiana to come get our daughter because you can’t control these boys?  Her clothes met the dress code standards, and we happen to know that she is dressed conservatively.  We will pick her up on the last day of camp.  Now...let us speak to our daughter.”

“Yes, Daddy”

“Cherry…do not make eye contact with any boy.  Do not speak to them or smile at them.  We are coming to get you on the last day of camp, and we want you packed and ready to go.  You be good and sweet to your teachers and preachers...stop talking during scripture study and meditation hour… and don’t let them make you feel bad.  God made you. How are you doing on money?” 
"Well - I've used up my money paying fines."
"Talking.  I ran out of money two days ago.  Now, I'm picking up pinecones."
"Then, stop on your scriptures...and by all means, try not to draw any attention to yourself."
"Yes Sir."   

And with the words...God made you ringing in her head…she had a spring in her step and a song in her she continued to talk...and pick up thousands of pinecones. She didn't care.  Cherry was no longer ashamed of her big Boobies, and decided that the smart thing to do…just to show the Fundamentalist Naysayers a thing or two…was to wear her cut offs, and halter top for the trip home from camp.  Cherry sat with her brother and sister on the porch with her suitcase packed, after camp had officially closed, ready for her parents to come pick her up…and the  Naysayers couldn’t do one damn thing about it…except give her looks like…”You are of the Devil with those Boobies.”  God had made her just this way and she wasn’t going to let anyone make her feel bad about it ever again.  The Devil might try to get her on the talking problem...but Boobies…God made her with them…off limits.

Cherry thought there was a delicate balance when it came to cleavage and showing your Boobies.  Too much and you are frowned upon by some and gawked at by others.  Not enough and you look stuffy.  There was a just right category, which allowed you to not hide your womanly charms, yet not put them out there for the whole world to see.  Mystery and allure must be maintained. After years of experimentation with cleavage tolerance, Cherry had determined that just a little bit more than a beautifully elegant hint of cleavage, coupled with mystery and allure would be her modis operandi in this space.

And the Hair…would always stay big, fluffy and bouncy.   No flat iron here.  It just went against everything that Cherry believed.  It was a constant struggle for her friends and hairdresser.  They would tell Cherry…”let’s straighten your Hair…you’re going to love it”…they would straighten it…and Cherry would cringe.  Flat Hair freaked her out.  Flat, straight Hair just seemed a crime…when God had given Cherry a head full, made it slightly wavy, and thick.  Cherry remembered the time her Mom had sent her to get her Hair trimmed down the street.  She was in the 3rd grade, and her Hair was so long that she could more than sit on it.  Cherry told the Lady Stylist…”My Mom wants you to trim one inch off of the ends of my Hair, and give me bangs”…and Cherry walked out with her long Hair cut off at the nape of her neck, sticking straight off her head like a wavy, thick triangle…with bangs.  She cried the whole way home.  It was the late 60’s and this new hairdo was totally destroying the white, ruffled pirate shirt, crushed velvet shorter than short hot pants and vest, and white Go-Go boots look she had adopted in the 2nd grade, and carried through to the 3rd.  She was no longer 60’s cool when she looked in the mirror.  Cherry was beyond upset as her Mother took her back down the street to retrieve it, and they found out was sold for a good sum of cash.   

Matter of fact, Cherry really didn’t have one friend or acquaintance that didn’t have Texas Big Hair.  That is…unless they had been getting the Brazilian Blow-Out.  And…every time Cherry sat down for a cut and color…she was approached for one.  “You know…your Hair would be sleek, and shiny…and you wouldn’t have to do anything to straighten your Hair…we could remove some of the volume if you would only get a Brazilian Blow Out.”  Cherry’s reaction…Get thee behind me, Satan.  A phrase she learned at Bible Memory Camp in Louisiana.

Now about the Bling…Cherry believes that there is a direct correlation between Boobies, Big Hair and Bling…in the fine State of Texas.  Matter of fact, she discovered that it’s actually an international thing.  Texas women are appreciated all over the world, as she and her friend Sunny discovered on their trip to Dublin, Ireland.  Kind of like a cross between being a princess and a rock star with an accent.  Texas women are legendary.  Cherry’s domestic and international travel trip of the day:  ROCK THAT ACCENT!  If it takes wine to bring it back out…then get on it.  Of course, if you can take down a couple of shots of tequila like a pro…no flinching, and turn your shot glass down after shooting…like you are saying…”If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch”…this one move will take the Texas mystique to the wall, putting you right up there on a pedestal. 

Back to Bling…Cherry’s ex used to give her Bling.  Then, she divorced him…and he stopped.  Imagine that.  She even had to sell her Bling to pay her bills when he cut her off from all of their accounts…selling her Bling for about 10% of what it was worth.  Her friends were horrified.  “Well, he had me over a barrel.  It was either that or borrow money from my parents…which I wasn’t going to do.  It was either that or no food, electric, water, gas, or living for two months while we put the temporary orders in place. I had to take care of my kiddos.  There are five people living under my roof.  It’s only Bling.  Bling is replaceable.”

If you take a Texas woman just on her looks, you are stuck in the Bermuda triangle of the Texas Trifecta. It never ends; because around every corner you turn…there will be another one walking past you. Eye Candy meets Hell on Earth, no sense of satisfaction. It’s a shallow existence.  The Boobies, Big Hair, and Bling are all on the surface. It’s all just pretty packaging.  Cherry knew that she could walk into a room, and that there would always be someone prettier, someone smarter…someone who had more of everything in life.  And, that there are men out there that only care about the packaging…not the woman inside.  They would forever circle their boats, not ready to drop anchor, not satisfied with the woman on their arm, and always looking to see if there was something better.  So busy scanning the horizon, that they miss the beauty of the sunrise, sunset and everything in between.  

It didn’t matter.  Cherry really didn't care about those kinds of people. It all came down to what Cherry thought about herself…about the things that were given…and the things she had earned through hard work.  Cherry knew that a blessing was just that…a blessing.  And, that when you take away the Boobies…there was a Woman.  And that Big Hair…could be lost.  The Bling could be sold to keep your lights on, and feed your family. If you strip it all away…at the center is a Woman.  A woman’s intelligence, moxy, heart and soul. Cherry learned a long time ago that it’s not the packaging…it’s the contents. 

So, as she went out there in the world…a single, middle aged Texas Woman…she would stick to the way her parents raised her…to her core ideals…to her intelligence, moxy, heart and soul…and let her greatest accomplishments be what she gave to others, and what she gave to the world.  She would walk right past the shallow and false…and maintain a keen eye.

Of course, Cherry would still expose portions of her Boobies…and her Hair would still have that 70’s quality plus a dose of Texas sensibilities.  Bling would come and go.  She would perpetuate the Texas Trifecta out in the world…with one critical addition to the formula.  Cherry would let people know that Texas Women are expected by their families to use their brains for good and not evil.  They are expected to shoot out in the world to lead…govern…teach…contribute.  They are expected to be strong for their families…and the community around them.  A wild spirit is a strong spirit. They are expected to get up off of their pretty asses and do something. Exercise options.

So, what’s wrong with looking good as you do it?  Cherry says…”You should use what God gave you.  Use it for good. Contribute and make every moment count. Save the evil for when you really need it, make no excuses and be strong enough to take the fall. Make your Momma and Daddy proud. If you have Boobies, wear a bra.  If you don’t have Boobies, go get some…they are simply wonderful. Give everything and everyone your “A” game.  Lastly, regarding Hair…go big…or go home.”